Want to know what I did last week?

I ate the entire batch of cookies. By myself.
I wish I were exaggerating.

Last Wednesday my husband was away and I had my dad over for dinner. My mom was in Florida, and I knew that if we weren’t prepared we’d both be digging into an ice cream pint and a bag of Dove Promises. I am my father’s daughter, so this was likely.
I also have an overwhelming urge to cook for people constantly. I can’t go a week without it.
I made a solid dinner: crispy salmon, grilled corn salad, brown jasmine coconut rice and a balsamic-glazed caprese salad. Midday I decided to throw a dessert into the plan, so I baked these cookies. When the dough came together I stared at the bowl, wondering if this was real life. It was.

I piled the cookies on a plate and left them on the counter. When my dad arrived he asked about them, then said he wouldn’t have any because he was committed to a healthy post-vacation week.
Excuse me? I prepared a healthy DINNER so there would be room for cookies.
So the entire batch remained mine. I had four more days alone in the house.
I hoped he’d change his mind — that while we sat eating second helpings of salmon and caramelized corn with the cookies in plain sight, he’d suddenly need one. He didn’t. He left without tasting them, and I was left with too many cookies and no one to share them with.

I handled the cookie surplus reasonably at first: a taste or two that night, a couple more for dessert. Then Olympic gymnastics happened and I emotionally snacked my way through routines late into the night — happy tears plus cookies. The next morning, after my workout, I waited too long to eat and reached for the cookies. I wanted something sweet after lunch and again at dinner.
I told myself I’d save the rest for my brother, cousin, or even imaginary internet friends, and that maybe the cookies would last until my husband returned on Saturday. That was optimistic.
More than a few of my meals last week became a hard-boiled egg, peanut butter and cookies. Not complaining — well, I guess I did complain a little — but the cookies were worth it.
These are called “compost” cookies for a reason. They’re not a classic chewy chocolate chip cookie; they’re playful and unexpected. The best twist here is the use of salt-and-vinegar chips — my personal weakness — plus crunchy pretzels, chocolate chunks, graham crumbs, Heath bar, peanut butter chips, sprinkles and even coffee grounds. The combination is delightfully odd and addictive.

Crazy Confetti Compost Cookies
18 cookies
20 mins
10 mins
Pin Recipe
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Ingredients
- 1 1/2 sticks, 12 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
- 1 cup loosely packed brown sugar
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg + 1 egg yolk
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 cup crushed salt and vinegar potato chips
- 3/4 cup chocolate chunks
- 1/2 cup crushed salted pretzels
- 1/3 cup graham cracker crumbs
- 1/3 cup chopped Heath bar
- 1/3 cup peanut butter chips
- 1/3 cup assorted sprinkles
- 1/2 tablespoon coffee grounds yes, actual grounds!
Instructions
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Preheat oven to 325°F (163°C). In a bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
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In another bowl, mix the cooled melted butter with both sugars until combined. Add the egg, egg yolk and vanilla, stirring until smooth. Gradually add the dry ingredients and stir with a spoon until a dough forms — it may seem crumbly at first but will come together. Use your hands if needed. Fold in all add-ins, pressing them into the dough so they’re distributed.
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Roll dough into 1 1/2-inch balls and place on a nonstick baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake 9–12 minutes, until the centers are just set. Don’t overbake. Let cool almost completely before handling.
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I don’t even know how to eat a normal cookie anymore.