There are a million things running through my head as I think about these donuts.
Are some of the contestants on The Bachelorette actually for real? I mean, really. Just… stop. Except when someone says quinoa like “keee-noooo-ahhh”—that pronunciation is honestly perfect.
Will I ever stop wearing the oversized t-shirt with a poem about girlfriends on the front that I got when I was eight? Probably not. It’s incredibly soft. I probably shouldn’t admit I can still fit into an eight-year-old shirt, but there it is.
Why am I so curious about the new Snow White movie? It’s not a Nicholas Sparks film, Ryan Gosling and Alexander Skarsgard aren’t in it, and it’s not based on chick-lit (was Snow White ever chick-lit?). I get bored with action movies. In short, I think I mostly want popcorn with something chocolatey and melty mixed in.
And finally, I would like four thousand donuts for dinner tonight.
Donuts are technically a breakfast food, but we never eat them for breakfast. Let me repeat: we never eat them for breakfast. That’s depressing.
My husband has a mental block about going out for breakfast. I love the idea of it—I’ve only done it a handful of times in my life—so it feels special. Drive-thru runs for a dozen Dunkin’ donuts don’t quite count, but I’ll take whatever I can get. It’s also hard to get him to eat a donut; he says he won’t waste calories on one, yet will polish off a whole pizza, a large Dairy Queen Blizzard, and a bag of pretzels with hummus at midnight. It all seems a bit suspicious to me.
On the other hand, I should be able to convince him to take me out for breakfast, because when he stumbles out of bed at 5AM he’s suddenly productive—unloading the dishwasher with his eyes closed, vacuuming the car minutes after waking. I don’t know where that energy comes from; when I wake up my eyes are glued to my phone. It’s odd and slightly uncomfortable, and that’s coming from a morning person.
Anyhoo.
Do you think maybe he doesn’t take me to breakfast because I nag him? That can’t be it.
I wouldn’t be so determined to get him to try a donut if it weren’t for that one Saturday at Easter when we bought a dozen minis that cost an arm and a leg but tasted like heaven. I probably ate two or three maple bacon ones before my brother swooped in and took the rest. Since then I’ve been dying to make them properly—yeasted, fried, and gloriously fluffy.
I don’t mind baked donuts—I make a baked peanut butter cup donut recipe almost every month—but this craving needed oil, bubbles, and pillowy dough.
I could not get enough—bite after bite disappeared. I also convinced the other household member to join in, and by the end of the day only crumbs remained. Serious donuts, serious win.
Mini Maple Bacon Donuts
Slightly adapted from Alton Brown. Makes about 15 mini donuts, depending on how you cut them.
Ingredients:
- 3/4 cup milk
- 1/4 cup bacon grease, solid
- 2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast (1 packet)
- 1/4 cup warm water
- 1 large egg, lightly beaten
- 2 1/2 tablespoons granulated sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
- 12 ounces all-purpose flour, plus extra if needed
- Vegetable oil for frying (about 2 quarts)
- 8 slices bacon, fried and crumbled
Instructions:
- Warm the milk over medium-low heat until just warm enough to melt the bacon fat. Place the bacon fat in a small bowl, pour the warm milk over it and stir until melted. Let cool to room temperature.
- In the bowl of a mixer, combine the warm water and yeast. Let sit about 5 minutes until foamy. Add the cooled milk-and-bacon-fat mixture and turn mixer to low.
- Add the egg, sugar, salt, nutmeg and half the flour. Mix on low until combined, then add the remaining flour and mix on medium until combined.
- Switch to the dough hook and mix on medium for 3–4 minutes until the dough pulls away from the bowl. If sticky, add 3–4 tablespoons more flour until smooth.
- Place dough in a bowl rubbed with vegetable oil, cover, and let rise in a warm place for 1 hour.
- On a floured surface, roll the dough to about 3/8 inch thick. Cut out circles with a biscuit cutter or round cutter, then cut centers with a small lid or knife to form mini doughnuts. Place on a baking sheet, cover, and let rise another 30 minutes.
- Heat oil in a large pot to 365°F (185°C). Fry donuts 2–3 at a time, about 1 minute per side, flipping with a spider or slotted spoon. Drain on a wire rack set over paper towels.
- Dip warm donuts in the maple glaze, then roll in crumbled bacon. Serve immediately.
Maple Bacon Icing
- 1 cup powdered sugar
- 2 tablespoons maple syrup
- 1 tablespoon bacon fat, melted
- 1 tablespoon milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Whisk all ingredients together until a smooth glaze forms. Adjust thickness with a little more milk or powdered sugar if needed.
So—donuts for dinner. It’s the right thing to do.